On Hollis' six month check-up the doctor found a heart murmur. My heart sunk. "A heart murmur?!" He assured me it was a very common thing and said that he would just check on it at his nine month appointment. Nine month appointment rolled around, it's still there. "Still there?!" Then he proceeds to tell me that "They very rarely patch them." "Patch them? You mean heart surgery?!" I don't know anything about these things. I was scared, but faithful. Then he told me that he would make an appointment at Children's to see a cardiologist.Those are scary words for a mother. We were then put on a waiting list. Yesterday while mopping the kitchen they called. "Can you be here at 8:30?" "We'll be there." Children's is a very well oiled machine. Everything is so smooth. You see, we've been there before, for his hernia surgery when he was two months old. Two visits in his short 10 month existence. I wanted to make this his last. There were many sick children who weren't smiling at everyone like Hollis. Transplant patients mainly. I felt guilty for having a healthy child. They did an EKG. Then we waited for the cardiologist. She came in and listened and listened. She then said,"He has a perfectly normal heart. These thing happen all the time." Praise you Jesus!!!!! My mother and I commented on the way to the elevator that some of these people won't be leaving with perfectly normal healthy children. Pray for those children that are sick. Here's Hollis today. Healthy and beautiful!

I've realized that my posts have been negative as of late. I haven't intended for that to happen. I'm just trying to figure out a few things. Anyway, here's some positivity. People have been doing their simple things list, here's mine:

• Getting Hollis up in the morning, he gives awesome morning hugs!
• Morning coffee, never thought I'd drink coffee like my grandparents. haha
• A plane ride to wherever we're going on vacation to next! 
• While we're on the subject...the looooooong plane ride to Hawaii. My favorite place.
• I love the anticipation before a surprise. It's as good as the surprise.
• Potatoes, anyway they come.
• Having the blinds open during the day.
• A glass of wine with the fire blazing, sitting next to my man.
• Speaking of him... I love it when Dane has a day off.
• Listening to Dane and Hollis play when I'm in the other room.
• Coming home from wherever to a CLEAN house.
• Fixing my neice's hair.
• Hearing all the new words and fun things my neice learns every day.
•  My nephew is such a lover, then all of a sudden he just wants to wrestle.....LOVE it.
• NEW SHOES!!!!
• New make-up
• My newest seven day old nephew.
• Being knocked over by a big wave and wondering, "am I going to make it this time?"
• Manta rays...so graceful
• Being reminded that God is in control.....such a relief
• Waking and remembering something good is going to happen today.
• My best friend.... my mama
• Spending time with the fam... both sides.                                                 

Sorry, this is a lot, but a lot of things make me happy. The list could go on and on! Have a good day. Try to remember the things that make life awesome!

I've been feeling a tug on my heart. I'm not sure what it is, I'm still waiting for God to reveal what that tugging is. I know that raising Hollis is part of my calling in life. But, I feel like there's something else.What else? you ask. I can't quite put my finger on it. Like the old saying," it's on the tip of my tongue". Usually, I would be frustrated, wondering why God is taking so long to reveal himself to me. But, this time I feel as if this is part of the plan. The Lord wants me to wait to show me that he's in control. So many times I try to prove to him that I'm in control. It must be frustrating to him. He also probably laughs and says, "Silly girl, don't you know that I am the Alpha and Omega? Why do you wrestle me like Jacob? Have you not learned your lesson? Why do you not trust me? I will always prove myself to you." I'm so hard on myself and everyone that I love, that I forget that he has nothing to prove to me. Even if he hadn't already proven himself, I realize that he doesn't have to. He's GOD! Yet, he does anyway, over and over. Just to make himself accessible to me. He knows that I need the proof. How ashamed I am that I ask even God to prove himself to me. The Lord has made the ultimate effort, still I say,  "come to me Lord, come to me." It's time I went to him, got down on my knees and said, "Lord you have proven yourself to me time and time again. It's time for me to prove myself faithful to you." Here's the lyrics to a song by Avalon that I've always held dear to my heart.

I used to be the one 

Who would long to hear your voice 

A child who 

sought to win his Father's heart 

But as I carried on 

Life got a hold on me 

Now here I am, a child so far from home 



Tell me when did I lose my first love? 

Where did the fire and passion go? 

Burn in me Your holy fire 

Give me back my lost desire 

And restore in me the love I felt for You 

 

Can I remember how it felt 

When they looked into my face 

And they saw the love of Jesus in my eyes 

When I look back on my life 

And question where I've been 

Can I really say I've done my best for you? 

Oh, where did I go? 

(I've lost my way, I've lost my love, I'm all alone) 

Oh, I'm lost and I'm alone 

Oh, help me please Lord, lead me home 



Father take me back 

And let me start again 

Lord, I've failed and I've 

fallen in my pride 

But lead me back to you 

Where my life began 

Revive in me the yearning that has died.

Hollis is getting a new tooth. Wow! The last two were not this bad. Poor baby. He's been following me around like a little puppy dog, which he normally does, only now he's following me crying. I hate to give him medicine, so I've been giving him the homeopathic teething tablets. They seem to be working, 'cause he actually gets excited to see the bottle.He still wants me to hold him all day. I don't have time to hold him all day, but I do make time in the afternoon for snuggle time if he wants it. He hasn't said no yet.A good thing has come of the cutting of this tooth, he's actually napping. He is not a very good napper. He sleeps good at night, but when it comes to naps, he hates them. He's like me, afraid he's going to miss something. I watch a little boy on Fridays, and it seems to be the worst then. So, even though he wants me to hold him when he's up, I'm still getting stuff done, because he's napping. So, it hasn't been that bad, I just feel sorry for him because he doesn't feel good, and doesn't understand why.