Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Hey y'all! Long time no write. Well, that's the way I do this blogging thing.

We are doing well up here in the north (he,he). We still haven't sold our house, but we are faithful. The kids are growing like weeds. Hollis is starting to really amaze me with his ability to retain knowledge. I pretty much only have to tell him once and he's got it. He's such a sweet big brother, and loves that little girl. He also loves us, I know this because he's been telling us all the time. :) He's just a joy to be around. Leila is 8 1/2 months old, but still oh so tiny. In fact it took Dane saying to me the other day, "Mom, I think she's bigger than you think she is" to make me realize that she can handle way more solid foods than I've been giving her. Ha! Poor girl. Speaking of food... that girl loves to eat!! She's going to be walking in no time. She's already trying to let go some. This little girl is a spit fire. She's SO sweet, until you make her mad. Then she's all fight! Love my kids!

This move has made me completely question everything I've believed about spiritual matters. Don't get nervous, I'm not talking about renouncing God. I'm talking about the inner workings of God and his relationship to mankind. The issue that I've been contemplating the most is our "American" lifestyles. I've always thought, "God put me in America. He chose me to be here. He intends for me to enjoy life." That's putting it in a short sentence and really sounds more selfish than I mean for it to. It's sort of a; God wants me to be happy, so what makes me happy, as long as it's not morally wrong is okay with him type thing. I'm starting to see that God's concerns may not be for my happiness, but for my joy. I've always known that there's a difference between joy and happiness, but it's never come to light as it has these past couple of months. What a kick in the face this has been for me! What?! You mean God is not concerned that I left my beautiful home behind, and all of my friends and family to follow him on the path that we believe he led us down?  Shocking, I know. Please forgive my 19 year brain fart. Really, it's not a brain fart, it's just the plain old American way to believe that even the creator of the universe does, in fact, recognize me as the center of his said universe. Wow, what was I thinking? And really, it has caused me to miss out on so much joy. Let's just say, I'm learning to let go and go with the flow. Stop trying to become happy and be it, for crying out loud! Happiness comes from joy. Now, you can have joy without happiness, but never happiness without joy. What a comfort. So, I'm walking in joy day by day.

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