On Hollis' six month check-up the doctor found a heart murmur. My heart sunk. "A heart murmur?!" He assured me it was a very common thing and said that he would just check on it at his nine month appointment. Nine month appointment rolled around, it's still there. "Still there?!" Then he proceeds to tell me that "They very rarely patch them." "Patch them? You mean heart surgery?!" I don't know anything about these things. I was scared, but faithful. Then he told me that he would make an appointment at Children's to see a cardiologist.Those are scary words for a mother. We were then put on a waiting list. Yesterday while mopping the kitchen they called. "Can you be here at 8:30?" "We'll be there." Children's is a very well oiled machine. Everything is so smooth. You see, we've been there before, for his hernia surgery when he was two months old. Two visits in his short 10 month existence. I wanted to make this his last. There were many sick children who weren't smiling at everyone like Hollis. Transplant patients mainly. I felt guilty for having a healthy child. They did an EKG. Then we waited for the cardiologist. She came in and listened and listened. She then said,"He has a perfectly normal heart. These thing happen all the time." Praise you Jesus!!!!! My mother and I commented on the way to the elevator that some of these people won't be leaving with perfectly normal healthy children. Pray for those children that are sick. Here's Hollis today. Healthy and beautiful!

I've realized that my posts have been negative as of late. I haven't intended for that to happen. I'm just trying to figure out a few things. Anyway, here's some positivity. People have been doing their simple things list, here's mine:

• Getting Hollis up in the morning, he gives awesome morning hugs!
• Morning coffee, never thought I'd drink coffee like my grandparents. haha
• A plane ride to wherever we're going on vacation to next! 
• While we're on the subject...the looooooong plane ride to Hawaii. My favorite place.
• I love the anticipation before a surprise. It's as good as the surprise.
• Potatoes, anyway they come.
• Having the blinds open during the day.
• A glass of wine with the fire blazing, sitting next to my man.
• Speaking of him... I love it when Dane has a day off.
• Listening to Dane and Hollis play when I'm in the other room.
• Coming home from wherever to a CLEAN house.
• Fixing my neice's hair.
• Hearing all the new words and fun things my neice learns every day.
•  My nephew is such a lover, then all of a sudden he just wants to wrestle.....LOVE it.
• NEW SHOES!!!!
• New make-up
• My newest seven day old nephew.
• Being knocked over by a big wave and wondering, "am I going to make it this time?"
• Manta rays...so graceful
• Being reminded that God is in control.....such a relief
• Waking and remembering something good is going to happen today.
• My best friend.... my mama
• Spending time with the fam... both sides.                                                 

Sorry, this is a lot, but a lot of things make me happy. The list could go on and on! Have a good day. Try to remember the things that make life awesome!

I've been feeling a tug on my heart. I'm not sure what it is, I'm still waiting for God to reveal what that tugging is. I know that raising Hollis is part of my calling in life. But, I feel like there's something else.What else? you ask. I can't quite put my finger on it. Like the old saying," it's on the tip of my tongue". Usually, I would be frustrated, wondering why God is taking so long to reveal himself to me. But, this time I feel as if this is part of the plan. The Lord wants me to wait to show me that he's in control. So many times I try to prove to him that I'm in control. It must be frustrating to him. He also probably laughs and says, "Silly girl, don't you know that I am the Alpha and Omega? Why do you wrestle me like Jacob? Have you not learned your lesson? Why do you not trust me? I will always prove myself to you." I'm so hard on myself and everyone that I love, that I forget that he has nothing to prove to me. Even if he hadn't already proven himself, I realize that he doesn't have to. He's GOD! Yet, he does anyway, over and over. Just to make himself accessible to me. He knows that I need the proof. How ashamed I am that I ask even God to prove himself to me. The Lord has made the ultimate effort, still I say,  "come to me Lord, come to me." It's time I went to him, got down on my knees and said, "Lord you have proven yourself to me time and time again. It's time for me to prove myself faithful to you." Here's the lyrics to a song by Avalon that I've always held dear to my heart.

I used to be the one 

Who would long to hear your voice 

A child who 

sought to win his Father's heart 

But as I carried on 

Life got a hold on me 

Now here I am, a child so far from home 



Tell me when did I lose my first love? 

Where did the fire and passion go? 

Burn in me Your holy fire 

Give me back my lost desire 

And restore in me the love I felt for You 

 

Can I remember how it felt 

When they looked into my face 

And they saw the love of Jesus in my eyes 

When I look back on my life 

And question where I've been 

Can I really say I've done my best for you? 

Oh, where did I go? 

(I've lost my way, I've lost my love, I'm all alone) 

Oh, I'm lost and I'm alone 

Oh, help me please Lord, lead me home 



Father take me back 

And let me start again 

Lord, I've failed and I've 

fallen in my pride 

But lead me back to you 

Where my life began 

Revive in me the yearning that has died.

Hollis is getting a new tooth. Wow! The last two were not this bad. Poor baby. He's been following me around like a little puppy dog, which he normally does, only now he's following me crying. I hate to give him medicine, so I've been giving him the homeopathic teething tablets. They seem to be working, 'cause he actually gets excited to see the bottle.He still wants me to hold him all day. I don't have time to hold him all day, but I do make time in the afternoon for snuggle time if he wants it. He hasn't said no yet.A good thing has come of the cutting of this tooth, he's actually napping. He is not a very good napper. He sleeps good at night, but when it comes to naps, he hates them. He's like me, afraid he's going to miss something. I watch a little boy on Fridays, and it seems to be the worst then. So, even though he wants me to hold him when he's up, I'm still getting stuff done, because he's napping. So, it hasn't been that bad, I just feel sorry for him because he doesn't feel good, and doesn't understand why.

One of my very good friends is having a baby as I speak. I can't go until later when Dane gets home, so he can stay with Hollis. This reminds me of the gift of life that God gives us.The gift of eternal life, and the gift of life through our children on this Earth. How blessed we are. Not only do we get to have eternal life in heaven with the Almighty, but before that we get to experience new life. There is truly no better day than when your children are born.When we hold our little infants in our arms for the first time, we feel like we can conquer the world. There's nothing that can stop us. Remember Jesus was once an infant too. I'm sure Mary (especially since she didn't have any drugs...if she did I'm sure they were not as good as ours;)) felt the same way. Especially since she knew he was going to be the Savior of the world. How difficult it must have been for her to look at him knowing that one day he was going to be sacrificed so that even she,  could have eternal life. How wonderful it is that he paid our debt, and we can look at our own children praising Jesus that we don't have to one day see them be sacrificed. Here's a few pictures of my little man's journey through life thus far. Thank you Lord for my wonderful undeserved blessings!!!

                            Hollis and his Daddy. This was the cover of Dane's first father's day card.

Hollis showing off his muscles.

Little clean angel baby.

Our first official family picture.

Ain't he soo cute.

He smiled and laughed so early. I think he was four weeks when he first smiled.

He got just a little chubby.

Mommy and me. First Thanksgiving

You me and baby makes three!!

Last night at our small group we talked about anger and the control of anger. I separate the two because that's what I need to start doing. The question," What's the difference in being angry and sinning because of your anger?" was asked. To be honest, I don't know. I've really been working on my anger management lately. But I'm starting to think that maybe I should start by learning to not jump to anger. Work on not getting angry and then when I get to where I can do that, then I can learn the right times to get angry and control it.
On another note, I'm really looking forward to getting to know all of our new friends. Dane and I haven't had friends in a long time. It's going to be very good for us. It already has been. We've really enjoyed our "real" talks we've had with everyone. I know this short, but this is all I have. Hollis is napping and I think I should be too.

On Sunday Ken talked about being a good steward, not just of your money but of your time and talents as well. I've been giving this a lot of thought. What about my talents? What talents? I know I'm good at hair, but it's not time for that in my life right now. It's time for me to raise my child[ren]. So what can I do? How can I be used, except for raising up soldiers for Him? I have a lot more time to give. When I was doing hair, it was my ministry. I have a lot praying to do. Wouldn't it be nice if the Lord would just drop everything in our laps? I know, if that was so, we wouldn't have to pursue a relationship with Him, and that would defeat the purpose of being here to glorify Him. There's a song that goes like this: "There are days, when I feel, the best of me is ready to begin. Then there are days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind." This describes perfectly how I'm feeling. I'm still trying to find my niche. This is a new era in my life. New everything. New "job", new house, new attitude. I must say, I'm enjoying this time of searching. Just a little. I know it will bring me closer to my God.

New experience. Hollis stayed the night with my mom and dad last night. I'm starting to wean him a little, so he has goat's milk a couple of times a day. As you can imagine this frees me up a little. We have only been apart for two hours or so at time. In eight months. I teared up a little when they drove off, but other than that I did pretty good. Dane and I went out to dinner and a movie. It was awesome! We haven't had that much time alone in long time. We had time to reconnect, with no stressers. We had a blast. The funny thing is that when we went to get him, he was initially glad to see me, then it was like he caught himself, like "oh wait, I'm mad at you mommy". It was so funny. He would hardly look at me for a couple of hours. It didn't bother me because I knew he would get over it. I've seen my nephew do the same thing. I've also heard about other little boys doing the same thing. He got over it and is back to being mommy's boy. I've always heard little boys loove their mommies. I know from experience now. I'm loving being a mommy!!! I'm so grateful to the Lord and my husband that I get to stay home with him, and love him every second of the day.

I'm watching Hollis play on the floor, dinner is cooking, I got most of the laundry done today, a lot has been accomplished. I was thinking today about the sermon on Sunday. He challenged us to build deeper relationships with our friends this year. He also challenged us to make sure that when we look back on 2010 that we can say we've grown spiritually. I must admit, I've kind of given up on friendships. I've always been the good friend and I got tired of being the one left behind. But, it's time for me to grow up, put myself back out there. Stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that people are human. There are areas in my life that I'm not good at. Friendship has now become one of them, because I made it so. {Wait! He just crawled!!!!!!! Hallelujah chorus!!!} So anyway, I'm going to work on building deeper friendships and getting to know my Savior more this year. Being a mother makes things like this just a little easier because we have to set the example. I want to be worthy of my children wanting to follow my example because I follow Christ. My desire to know my Savior is greater because of this. Having children changes your whole life doesn't it? It's the best.

I'm sitting here "watching" the Razorbacks at the Liberty Bowl. Two minutes left...tied ballgame. I'm biting my fingernails!!! If you haven't figured it out, I'm being sarcastic. I'm not exactly a sports fan, but I'm trying to become one. I think it comes from not having a competitive bone in my body. But, none-the-less I'm trying for my husband and my son. One of these days I know I'll do it. When Hollis starts playing sports I'll become a big fan. Anyway Hollis' first Christmas was this year, here are a few pictures of our little Santa.

I started writing earlier, but was rudely interrupted by a screaming little boy who wanted my attention. Ha ha :) Hollis has been very clingy lately. I don't know if it's the lack of crawling or the teething, but I know it's one of those two things. Yes you read right, he's not crawling. 8 months old. He rolls everywhere. My mom said I did the same thing. Never crawled, just went straight to walking. Isn't amazing how the little things that seem insignificant, are passed on to our children! Makes me stop and think a lot. I know, he's young but I still guard his eyes, ears, and heart. Our children today have a much tougher road ahead of them. They will have a much harder time standing up for their morals and beliefs. This is why I believe, that you must start young. Teaching them not care what others think, but that the only thing that matters is what they believe to be the truth, and what God reveals to them to be. I may be stepping on some toes, but I believe it's about time somebody starts stepping on somebodies toes. This country was built on freedom of worship. Let's not forget.

A few days ago a woman that I knew from a long time ago passed away. We still know each other in passing, but have never been close. I guess you would call her an acquaintance. She was around 36 or so. She suddenly, with no warning, passed. I must say, this has hit me harder than I expected it to. It just demonstrates how fleeting life is. It makes me think hard about my life and my attitude.
Who am I that it wouldn't be me? The Lord still has purpose for me on this Earth, I better get to work finding out what it is. I mean beside being a mother and raising up soldiers for you, what else do you want from me Lord?

So, here it is, my very first post. What to say.. what to say. First, let me introduce myself. My name is Heather. I have a husband named Dane and a son named Hollis as you can tell from the title of this blog. I started this because I wanted a way to journal my new adventure of being a stay at home mom. Hollis is now 8 months old, so I'm still very new to the game. This has been the hardest 8 months of my life, but also the most rewarding. I'm still trying to find my "place in this world". Before being a mom I was a hairstylist for six years. I miss it dearly. The adult interaction, making people feel good about themselves, and the variety of each new day. People ask me all the time, "Do you miss doing hair?" I tell them, " A little, but I still get to do my family's hair". The truth is though, I miss it a lot! You see unlike, a lot of hairdressers, I actually went to beauty school because I wanted to! I say all this to say, I wouldn't trade staying home with my baby boy for anything. They're only young once. Every day that I get him out of bed and he hugs my neck is the most reward I could ever ask for.